Feeling Love

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted. Life has been beyond intense for the last few months, but things are finally calming down. At least for us, they are, and we couldn't be happier.

I thought I'd address one of the current issues in the news regarding women in the LDS church- Kate Kelly's recent excommunication. I'm not gonna lie, I have not been following this story because I have a vested interest in the situation. I've been following the story because there has been no way to avoid it. My social media feeds are FILLED this morning with everyone's opinion on the matter. My friends are very split on this one. Some are passionately for, others passionately against. Some are mourning the loss of such a progressive and active voice for women while others are rejoicing in the relief from her antics.

Here are my two cents on the matter- it is a tragic story. It is tragic on every side. It is tragic to watch someone lose their rights and privileges in the church. It is tragic to watch the world weigh in on the state of her salvation. It is tragic to watch the members of the church torn in two over this. It is tragic to watch testimonies falter and friendships break over this decision. No matter what side you take on her organization, her story is a tragedy.

Personally, I have asked many of the same questions as Kate Kelly. I chose to address these questions in a different manner, but I cannot judge her for having questions. And in this day and age, I cannot judge her for taking her questions to the world wide web. She is seeking answers she cannot find on her own. She is seeking support and love that she cannot find alone. She is seeking to help others in similar situations. She is seeking to let others know that they are not alone in their struggles. However misguided you may believe her actions are, she is acting out of love for women. I cannot judge her for that because I'm doing the same thing. I love women, she loves women. Regardless of my stance on the Ordain Women movement, we have something very important in common- LOVE.

My purpose in writing today is to let individuals on both sides of the issue know that they are loved. There is so much hate being flung around right now. I want to you to know that you are loved. I know you have questions because we all have questions. Even Christ asked questions. Questions do not make you imperfect. As you seek your answers, remember that you are loved. There will be challenges as you seek your answers. Some of those challenges will be members of this church that you love so dearly. Some of those challenges will be judgments and harsh words from people you thought were your friends.

Despite these challenges, despite these judgements and harsh words, you are loved. There are people in this church who love you and accept you, questions and all. There is a Father in Heaven that loves you and accepts you, questions and all. There is a Savior that loves you and accepts you, questions and all. He will answer your questions. Ask you seek your answers, remember to doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. Whatever your questions are, they will be answered in time, whether by the voice of the Lord or one of His servants.

One last note, to those that believe that Kate Kelly's excommunication will somehow smother the Ordain Women's movement, you're wrong. Kate Kelly does not have to be a member of the church to influence women in the church. She does not have to be a member to seek change. Her voice has not been taken away because her membership has been. Excommunication is a private matter regarding ones actions breaking covenants made with the Lord. It's not our place to say whether or not she deserved to be excommunicated. That is between the individual, his/her leaders, and the Lord. That judgement is not ours to give.

All we have to give is love. There are so many in this world that need our love. So please, hold your judgement. Hold your harsh words. Replace that resentment with love and kindness. In the eternal scheme of things, we're all on the same side. This is me, sending a virtual hug to all those feeling unloved today. I want you here. I want you in this church. I want you to ask questions and find answers. I want you to know that YOU ARE LOVED!

Lessons to be Learned from Frozen

If you are like me, the Disney movie Frozen has been playing in your house non-stop since it arrived on your doorstep Tuesday afternoon. Now, my daughter doesn't actually sit and watch TV all day every day, but she does insist that every time she walks into the room with the TV that Frozen is on. Since that is also the toy room, it is just easier to put the thing on replay than deal with the melt-down that will inevitably come. Sure, I'll wean her off eventually, but for now, we watch a LOT of Frozen.

I seriously love the movie. There are so many little nuggets of goodness in the story line. I'm excited for my daughter to get old enough to talk about some of the different elements in the movie. Here's a few talking points I've come up with that maybe you could use with your older children:

• You don't have to be afraid of being different. Elsa spends most of her life being afraid to share her strange talent. Her fear caused her talent to be underdeveloped and out of her control. She hide her talent from the world, shutting out those she loved most. Her fear even cause the death of her sister! When she learned to live with love and not fear, she gained control over both her emotions and her talent. 
• What talents are we afraid to share with the world because they may be misunderstood? 
• What could change if we chose to live with love instead of fear?
• On that note, running away from our problems does not set us free. When Elsa's secret is discovered, she tries to run away from her problem so she can be free. Embracing who she believes she should be is not enough to set her free. She must face the reality that she is controlled by fear. She learns that it is not her talent that has kept her prisoner, but her fear. By letting go of the fear, she finds that love allows her to control her talent.
• Why was Elsa happy to be alone? Was she really free from her troubles? 
• How can we face what makes us afraid?
• What brings us true freedom and happiness?
• True love can melt a frozen heart. Anna had so much to be resentful of towards Elsa, but she never showed hatred or malice. Even after years of being shut out, her first instinct was to forgive her sister for her actions and help others understand Elsa. Anna's love for her sister was strong enough to save her own frozen heart, but it also showed Elsa the way to love herself as well. 
• How can we forgive those who hurt us over and over again?
• How does the way we feel about ourselves affect the way we treat others?
• Our first love isn't always true love. It is okay to fall in love fast, but fast doesn't always last. Anna loves Prince Hans for everything she sees in him. She has spent her whole life dreaming up the perfect guy and then she meets him and he's perfect! Ultimately, the Prince is not who she thought he was and his love wasn't true. Anna learns the hard way that real love is built on more than a dream. The love she has for herself and for her sister proves to be the true love that lasts. 
• What makes a love true? How can honesty change a love?
• How can you know if your love is true?
• You can survive in any situation. Olaf is such a cute character, a true optimist. He longs to see summertime which, unbeknownst to him, would destroy him. When he does learn the risks of warmth, he responds that "Some people are worth melting for." He is optimistic in even the worst situations. He also teaches us that true love does not have to be romantic love. And in the end, his willingness to sacrifice himself to help Anna and his optimistic dreams give him the chance to see summer without melting.
• How can we learn to be happy, even when life gets hard?
• How can helping others help us fulfill our dreams?

And this list goes on and on. There is one point in the movie that I don't agree with though. During the "Fixer-Upper" song, the trolls sing "We're not saying you can change him, cause people don't really change." Now, I do agree with this statement in regards to seeking an eternal partner. You should not attempt to turn someone into your idea of perfect. You should love them for who they are, not expecting them to change into someone else to suit your ideals. But, the idea that people cannot change completely disregards the atoning power of Jesus Christ. I firmly believe that change is possible through Him. I believe that if we come before Him in humility, even our greatest weakness or flaw can be changed into something wonderful, even perfect. You may not be able to change people, but He can. If you seek to change for the better, He will be there to help you.

Like I said, I love Frozen. There is so much good in the movie. And even the one line I don't love can be used to teach a wonderful principle. What are some principles you plan on teaching based on this popular Disney movie? 

Choice and Accountability

Today we're going to look into the roles of choice and accountability. We are very blessed to be given the ability to choose. We are our own agents. For those blessed enough to life in a free country, we are doubly blessed with the freedom to give voice to our choices. Our agency is one of the most precious gifts we have. It is a human right that we are each born with. 

Although we do have the right to choose our actions, we cannot choose the consequence. Every decision we make comes with a consequence, some good, others not so much. It's a basic cause and effect relationship. Our decisions are the cause, the consequence is the effect. Our decisions cause a series of reactions, leading to some sort of effect on the world around us. Think about tossing a pebble into a pond. The first ripple is small, but each subsequent ripple grows bigger and bigger until eventually the energy is transferred elsewhere. Even a small decision can have major consequences.

I was recently invited to work with the youth at my church. Funny enough, I was specifically assigned the 14-15 year old girls. I'll explain why that's funny later. Trying to connect with these youngsters has cause me to reflect on my time in the teens. Although time wise that wasn't so long ago, it seems like another life. I was a different person in high school. Like most teenagers, I had some great qualities with some very rough edges.

You see, I don't have too many regrets in life. In fact, there is only one I can think of and it happened when I was 14. See the humor now? I'm not saying that's the only mistake I've ever made, it's just the only one that still haunts me. Why, do you ask? Because I made the wrong decision and it permanently changed the world around me. I would love to say that I made this decision for some the greater good, but that wouldn't be true. I took the easy way out and I regret it that decision.

The bad news is that when I made this selfish decision, I could not begin to imagine the effect it would have. I had no idea what kind of ripples my little pebble would cause. And unfortunately, my bad choice affected more than just my life. It cause hurt to others, some of which I care about deeply and some of which I've never met. And unfortunately, every time I try to stop a ripple, another set forms. Awesome, right?

The good news? There is always a way to calm the storm. You can't do it on your own, but there is a way. The same person who gave us our agency gave us a way to calm the waters. There is One who knows our hearts. If in our hearts we recognize our mistake and humbly ask for His help, He will provide a way. He will not change our past, but He will give up hope for the future. There is no decision so destructive that His power cannot calm the waters.

What does that mean for me? It means that my bad decision did not prevent those I love finding happiness. It means that although I cannot choose the effects my decision had, I can find peace in them. And what does it mean for you? It means that you, too, can find happiness. It means that there is a way to find peace in your current situation and hope for your future. 

So here's the take-home message. Consider your options before making a decision. Don't be rushed into a bad decision. There is always a choice to be made. If you do make a bad decision, know that there is way to come back. You cannot do it on your own, but it can be done. There is One who knows your worth and will never give up on you. Your decisions matter and so do you.

Peace Like a River

I love the song "Peace Like a River." I love it so much, I have it on every playlist, including my workout mix. There is so much truth behind that statement- peace like a river. I could write an entire novel on that simple statement, but that's not the point of this post. Today we are talking about how to begin the journey to peace.

Every journey should begin at the basics. When developing peace, there are four area to focus on: mind, body, heart, and spirit. Here are some ideas of how to bring peace to each area...

Mind: To bring peace of mind, you need to find something that helps clear your mind of unnecessary stress. Personally, I use photography. I enjoy finding beauty in the world and expressing it through pictures. Mostly I photography my cute kid, but I also enjoy nature. Spend some time searching for what helps clear your mind. What helps you forget your troubles? Once you find your release, find a way to incorporate it into your daily life. If I can't get out to take pictures, I simply look at other people's pictures. I also put pictures of beautiful things everywhere. How can you bring peace of mind into your daily life?

Body: I have found that high intensity, face paced workouts are not the only way to strengthen your body. There is this wonderful world of peaceful exercise that we don't talk about much. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for blinding sweat workouts. The thing is, if your life is already high intensity, why add more stress though high intensity exercise? If you've never tried yoga, you are missing out. Also, swimming forces you to slow down and focus on planned breathing. Both are still great workouts, both include strengthening and stretching, and both are low impact on your body. I would highly recommend taking a break from the chaos and adding some low intensity into your crazy routine. Your body will thank you. 

Heart: Peace of heart is very much linked to Peace of spirit. Peace of heart comes though letting go of the hurt and heartache stored there. There are basically two ways you can do this: remove or repair. Are there relationships that are causing increased stress in your life? Evaluate the importance of each relationship and either remove it or repair it. Removing a relationship can be terribly difficult, but a harmful relationship is not worth having. Repairing a relationship can sometimes be more difficult that removing one, but some relationships are worth keeping. 

Spirit: Whether or not you are religious, you have a spirit that needs to find a place. That same spirit needs to be at place with it's place. Basically that means you need to find who you are and be happy with you. You are important and you have a place. It's okay if the you you find is not the you you used to be. You are allowed to change. You are always learning and growing and becoming. And if the you you find is not the you you want to be, you can be a better you. It's your choice! Just know that the world needs you. You are the only you we get! We love you, can't you too?

Don't get discouraged as you journey on. I've been at this for a year and still have plenty of chaos to replace with peace. Start small and start with the basics. Build a solid foundation before you worry about building up. Remember, there are no shortcuts, but the results are worth every step. The journey only becomes more beautiful the further along you get. Peace is waiting for you.

Hail in the New Year

One of my goals this year has been to bring more peace into our home. Like most families, we have our fair share of stresses. During my pregnancy, I picked up some bad habits, namely anxiety. So many of the activities I used to enjoy became far too stressful for my frazzled brain and weakened body to handle. I used to be a very outgoing person, the life of the party. I used to enjoy anything that got my blood pumping, whether it be high adventure or intense exercise or wild dance parties. I very much enjoyed having a good time and bringing others along with me.

After I had my daughter, something changed. It was a rough journey getting her here and that journey seemed to have left it's scars. After nearly a year of trying everything I could think of to recover, I decided to take a different approach. I decided to accept the scars and make peace with them. I decided to embrace these new changes and find a way to use them for good.

In my journey to find peace, I learned some very important lessons that I'd like to share with each of you. Here's some food for thought as you begin your new year...

1. Change, although difficult, does not destroy. Embracing who I have become did not destroy the girl I was. She is a part of me. She brought me to where I am today. She gave me my closest friends. She built memories with my family. She introduced me to my husband. She did not go away, she just changed into the me that's here today.
2. Peace must be sought. In a world made of chaos, peace is an unnatural element. It does not exist on it's own. Peace must be sought out and developed. Peace cannot be given, is must be obtained. The one exception to that is He who is Peace can give of Himself. If we ask of Him, we shall be granted the peace we seek.
3. Peace cannot be forced. On the journey to finding peace, there are no shortcuts. Expect that your peace will be as short as your journey. Each must make the journey by choice. We cannot force peace on another, no matter how much we may wish to.
4. The journey to Peace is continuous. Because our world is fueled by chaos, anytime we stop seeking peace, we start to lose it. Think of a river. If there is nothing to feed the river, the flow will stop. There can be a reserve to feed the river during the dry months, but even the largest reserve will one day run dry. Just as a river must be fed continuously, so must our Peace.
5. Peace begins in you. As I tried to bring peace into our home, I learned that is I was conflicted, I could not bring peace. I needed to take time and find peace within before I could share it with my family. If I was upset, our home would be upset. If I was at peace, our home would be at peace.

Now that you've got the what, tune in tomorrow for the how. I would highly recommend bringing peace into your life. The journey is tough at first, but beyond worth it. As we say goodbye to an old year, why not say goodbye to old stresses too?

Just Stop It.

Oh, women. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we feel this need to keep up with the Jones? Why do we compare our faults to others strengths? Why do we put ourselves down for being flawed? Why do we put down others for actions that we do not understand? Why do we measure ourselves against an unreal expectation of perfection? Why do we do this to ourselves?

One of the top news stories this week was the controversy that broke out after a young woman posted a selfie 4-days post baby. The controversy? Is she a role model for new moms or is she furthering the pressure for new moms to jump back post baby? Whereas most individuals reading the articles circling the internet and taking a side, my thoughts were not "Why are we doing this to women?" but "Why are we doing this as women?"

I'll admit that seeing a woman with such a perfect form four days our does hurt my heart a little. I feel the longing to jump back that quickly (or at all...). I feel the guilt that I still don't look that great after almost 2 years. I feel the need to hear her story, learn about her diet and exercise habits during pregnancy, partly to know what I did wrong and partly to prove she put her baby at risk doing something unhealthy. Honestly, I feel the need to compare.

But my much stronger feelings are not about this woman, but all women. My thoughts are this: Why were there so many women quick to judge? Was it because we feel that this woman is raising the bar for us? Was it because we secretly envy her genetic potential? The only answer that makes complete sense is because we compare. We compare ourselves to genetic unicorns and photoshopped images. We compare ourselves to top-paid athletes and celebrities that are paid and painted to look that good. We compare ourselves to friends and sisters and neighbors and coworkers. All day, every day we compare.

Ladies, stop it. Just stop it. You are wonderful. You are wonderful, regardless of anything else. You are wonderful with or without stretch marks. You are wonderful with or without that extra 20 pounds. You are wonderful with or without a beautiful home or a brand new car. You are wonderful with straight hair, curly hair, or somewhere in between. You are wonderful, regardless of your marital status, the number of children you have, your political affiliation, or your background check. You are wonderful, regardless of how you compare to anyone else.

So just stop comparing! You are wonderful and she is wonderful. And your wonder is not dependent on her wonder. And her wonder does not subtract from you wonder. You are equally wonderful! You are strong and so is she. You are beautiful and so is she. You are important and so is she. You have worth and so does she. No need to compare.

The Measure of Motherhood

I've noticed a reoccurring theme lately among the women in my life. It's the theme of measuring motherhood. Statements like "I am a good mom" or "She is such an awesome mom" or "I wish I was a better mom" seem to be filling my news feeds. These are thoughts I'm sure every mother feels from time to time, but what is it about now that has got so many questioning their quality of mothering?

Let me sure with you an abridged version of my journey through measuring motherhood. It took us longer than planned to bring a child into our family. As hard as that was, it gave me a lot of time to plan and prepare for motherhood. (And for those of you who don't know me well, I LOVE to plan.) I seriously had every birthday party, every Christmas present, even her wedding planned by the time she got here. More than that, I had every kiss and hug planned. I planned on hours of snuggling and bonding planned. I was so excited for the bond formed through nursing. I was going to be an awesome mom. Best ever.

Then I got a Daddy's girl. For those of you with Mama's boys or girls, imagine the complete opposite. Imagine your child never wanting your comfort, your love, or your affection. Imagine your sweet newborn screaming bloody murder if you were the one to go in and comfort her. I'm not exaggerating this. I basically served as an utter for the first few months of her life. If my husband wasn't home, she would scream until he came back whereas if I left, she wouldn't even notice. Wanna talk about feeling like a terrible mom? I had to bribe my child to let me hold her! She'd choose a complete stranger over her own mother!

Motherhood is kind of an abusive relationship. Our sweet children can show such cruelty at times! Their hateful words seem to cut the deepest. They withhold love to gain authority over us. They hit and bite and scream. And what do we mothers do in response? We give. We give, give, and give some more. We give and go hours, days, weeks, sometimes even YEARS without receiving gratitude or love in return.

My point in saying this is not to convince you that we as mothers need to stand up and fight back. Quite the opposite. We as mothers need to stand our ground. Motherhood is the hardest gig you'll ever get. You'll hurt, you'll cry, you'll be put through the ringer most days of the week... Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. It's okay to have days when you want to scream. It's okay to question why you made the decision to have children. It's okay to wonder if you'll ever be the woman they expect you to be. It's okay to have a bad day. (Or month or year...)

You moms are pretty darn amazing. Don't you know that? Don't you know how much strength you have? The strength to change one more poopy diaper, knowing he will kick and scream and fight every minute of it! The strength to tell her you love her, knowing she will slam the door in your face screaming she wished you were dead. The strength to let them make their own decisions, knowing they will make poor ones. The strength to give and give and give and expect nothing in return. THAT is a strength that does not exist in everyone. That is a strength that is given to mothers. You have that strength.

So next time you start measuring your motherhood, don't measure it against an ideal. Measure it against reality. Measure it against the hours you've put into raising those crazy kids. Measure it against the love you give instead of the love you get. Measure it against the sweat and tears and prayers you've given for their sake. Measure it against the number of times you've chosen to get up and try again. Everyday you choose to try again, you are becoming a better mom. And trust me, if you are concerned about being a good mom, you are already better than you know. Chin up, moms. You are rocking this crazy little thing called motherhood!