Hail in the New Year

One of my goals this year has been to bring more peace into our home. Like most families, we have our fair share of stresses. During my pregnancy, I picked up some bad habits, namely anxiety. So many of the activities I used to enjoy became far too stressful for my frazzled brain and weakened body to handle. I used to be a very outgoing person, the life of the party. I used to enjoy anything that got my blood pumping, whether it be high adventure or intense exercise or wild dance parties. I very much enjoyed having a good time and bringing others along with me.

After I had my daughter, something changed. It was a rough journey getting her here and that journey seemed to have left it's scars. After nearly a year of trying everything I could think of to recover, I decided to take a different approach. I decided to accept the scars and make peace with them. I decided to embrace these new changes and find a way to use them for good.

In my journey to find peace, I learned some very important lessons that I'd like to share with each of you. Here's some food for thought as you begin your new year...

1. Change, although difficult, does not destroy. Embracing who I have become did not destroy the girl I was. She is a part of me. She brought me to where I am today. She gave me my closest friends. She built memories with my family. She introduced me to my husband. She did not go away, she just changed into the me that's here today.
2. Peace must be sought. In a world made of chaos, peace is an unnatural element. It does not exist on it's own. Peace must be sought out and developed. Peace cannot be given, is must be obtained. The one exception to that is He who is Peace can give of Himself. If we ask of Him, we shall be granted the peace we seek.
3. Peace cannot be forced. On the journey to finding peace, there are no shortcuts. Expect that your peace will be as short as your journey. Each must make the journey by choice. We cannot force peace on another, no matter how much we may wish to.
4. The journey to Peace is continuous. Because our world is fueled by chaos, anytime we stop seeking peace, we start to lose it. Think of a river. If there is nothing to feed the river, the flow will stop. There can be a reserve to feed the river during the dry months, but even the largest reserve will one day run dry. Just as a river must be fed continuously, so must our Peace.
5. Peace begins in you. As I tried to bring peace into our home, I learned that is I was conflicted, I could not bring peace. I needed to take time and find peace within before I could share it with my family. If I was upset, our home would be upset. If I was at peace, our home would be at peace.

Now that you've got the what, tune in tomorrow for the how. I would highly recommend bringing peace into your life. The journey is tough at first, but beyond worth it. As we say goodbye to an old year, why not say goodbye to old stresses too?

Just Stop It.

Oh, women. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we feel this need to keep up with the Jones? Why do we compare our faults to others strengths? Why do we put ourselves down for being flawed? Why do we put down others for actions that we do not understand? Why do we measure ourselves against an unreal expectation of perfection? Why do we do this to ourselves?

One of the top news stories this week was the controversy that broke out after a young woman posted a selfie 4-days post baby. The controversy? Is she a role model for new moms or is she furthering the pressure for new moms to jump back post baby? Whereas most individuals reading the articles circling the internet and taking a side, my thoughts were not "Why are we doing this to women?" but "Why are we doing this as women?"

I'll admit that seeing a woman with such a perfect form four days our does hurt my heart a little. I feel the longing to jump back that quickly (or at all...). I feel the guilt that I still don't look that great after almost 2 years. I feel the need to hear her story, learn about her diet and exercise habits during pregnancy, partly to know what I did wrong and partly to prove she put her baby at risk doing something unhealthy. Honestly, I feel the need to compare.

But my much stronger feelings are not about this woman, but all women. My thoughts are this: Why were there so many women quick to judge? Was it because we feel that this woman is raising the bar for us? Was it because we secretly envy her genetic potential? The only answer that makes complete sense is because we compare. We compare ourselves to genetic unicorns and photoshopped images. We compare ourselves to top-paid athletes and celebrities that are paid and painted to look that good. We compare ourselves to friends and sisters and neighbors and coworkers. All day, every day we compare.

Ladies, stop it. Just stop it. You are wonderful. You are wonderful, regardless of anything else. You are wonderful with or without stretch marks. You are wonderful with or without that extra 20 pounds. You are wonderful with or without a beautiful home or a brand new car. You are wonderful with straight hair, curly hair, or somewhere in between. You are wonderful, regardless of your marital status, the number of children you have, your political affiliation, or your background check. You are wonderful, regardless of how you compare to anyone else.

So just stop comparing! You are wonderful and she is wonderful. And your wonder is not dependent on her wonder. And her wonder does not subtract from you wonder. You are equally wonderful! You are strong and so is she. You are beautiful and so is she. You are important and so is she. You have worth and so does she. No need to compare.

The Measure of Motherhood

I've noticed a reoccurring theme lately among the women in my life. It's the theme of measuring motherhood. Statements like "I am a good mom" or "She is such an awesome mom" or "I wish I was a better mom" seem to be filling my news feeds. These are thoughts I'm sure every mother feels from time to time, but what is it about now that has got so many questioning their quality of mothering?

Let me sure with you an abridged version of my journey through measuring motherhood. It took us longer than planned to bring a child into our family. As hard as that was, it gave me a lot of time to plan and prepare for motherhood. (And for those of you who don't know me well, I LOVE to plan.) I seriously had every birthday party, every Christmas present, even her wedding planned by the time she got here. More than that, I had every kiss and hug planned. I planned on hours of snuggling and bonding planned. I was so excited for the bond formed through nursing. I was going to be an awesome mom. Best ever.

Then I got a Daddy's girl. For those of you with Mama's boys or girls, imagine the complete opposite. Imagine your child never wanting your comfort, your love, or your affection. Imagine your sweet newborn screaming bloody murder if you were the one to go in and comfort her. I'm not exaggerating this. I basically served as an utter for the first few months of her life. If my husband wasn't home, she would scream until he came back whereas if I left, she wouldn't even notice. Wanna talk about feeling like a terrible mom? I had to bribe my child to let me hold her! She'd choose a complete stranger over her own mother!

Motherhood is kind of an abusive relationship. Our sweet children can show such cruelty at times! Their hateful words seem to cut the deepest. They withhold love to gain authority over us. They hit and bite and scream. And what do we mothers do in response? We give. We give, give, and give some more. We give and go hours, days, weeks, sometimes even YEARS without receiving gratitude or love in return.

My point in saying this is not to convince you that we as mothers need to stand up and fight back. Quite the opposite. We as mothers need to stand our ground. Motherhood is the hardest gig you'll ever get. You'll hurt, you'll cry, you'll be put through the ringer most days of the week... Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. It's okay to have days when you want to scream. It's okay to question why you made the decision to have children. It's okay to wonder if you'll ever be the woman they expect you to be. It's okay to have a bad day. (Or month or year...)

You moms are pretty darn amazing. Don't you know that? Don't you know how much strength you have? The strength to change one more poopy diaper, knowing he will kick and scream and fight every minute of it! The strength to tell her you love her, knowing she will slam the door in your face screaming she wished you were dead. The strength to let them make their own decisions, knowing they will make poor ones. The strength to give and give and give and expect nothing in return. THAT is a strength that does not exist in everyone. That is a strength that is given to mothers. You have that strength.

So next time you start measuring your motherhood, don't measure it against an ideal. Measure it against reality. Measure it against the hours you've put into raising those crazy kids. Measure it against the love you give instead of the love you get. Measure it against the sweat and tears and prayers you've given for their sake. Measure it against the number of times you've chosen to get up and try again. Everyday you choose to try again, you are becoming a better mom. And trust me, if you are concerned about being a good mom, you are already better than you know. Chin up, moms. You are rocking this crazy little thing called motherhood!

Back to You

Well, readers. Today I'm turning the page over to you. My wisdom and love has fallen short. I've come up against a topic that I can't put a positive spin on, so I'm asking for your help.

Here's how it all started. I was taking this "Which Jane Austen character are you" quiz and realized that I'm a Darcy. No, I'm not rich or good-looking, but of all the character, he's who I relate to most. Why? Because my good opinion once lost is lost forever. And try as I might, my mind does not change easily. This is a new realization about myself and not a pleasant one at that. I don't mean to be prejudice, but apparently I am.

So here's my question to you readers: how do you create a relationship with someone you don't have a high opinion of? Whether it be someone you've never liked, someone you love but has hurt you unimaginably, or someone who is just completely opposite from you, how do you establish a connection with them?

Exhibit A: "Winner Wally". "WW" believes that you only live once, so you best make the most of it. "WW" cares only about winning, being number one. "WW" does not care what he/she has to do to get on top, as long as he doesn't get caught. "WW" does not believe there are consequences for his/her actions because "WW" does not believe there is a God. How do you create a relationship with someone who's fundamental beliefs are based on the complete opposite of you own?

Exhibit B": "Debbie Downer". "DD" is a pessimist. "DD" withholds love and affection unless you do as he/she wishes. "DD" is constantly seeing the chance to disagree. "DD" believes that his/her opinion is better than yours, regardless of your expertise or experience. "DD" is quick to point the finger, but rarely accepts the blame. "DD" will privately reconcile with you, then publicly defame you. Basically, "DD" has some growing up to do, but in the mean time, you have to deal with their immaturity and disrespect. How do you create a relationship with someone who is so stunted in their maturity?

These examples are my two biggest flops. I don't know how to relate to atheists or pessimists, even if they are good people. I don't understand how they live each day. One sees no purpose and the other sees no potential. Everything I believe in is purpose and potential! How do you form a good opinion of someone so opposite from yourself? Readers? Buler? Anyone?

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. So as we read through these numbers and consider their meaning, remember the mothers who never got to hold their baby. Remember the mothers who will never get that first smile or that first day of school. Remember the mothers who said goodbye too soon.

Did you know that 10-15% of pregnancies end in miscarriage? There were approximately 4 million babies born in the US in 2011. That means there were 400,000-600,000 pregnancies that ended as a miscarriage in 2011. That's 800,000-1,200,000 mothers and fathers that have to say goodbye too soon. Approximately 1 in 50 pregnancies become ectopic pregnancies and 1 in 1,500 pregnancies become molar pregnancies. That's another 83,000 babies that are never born and another 166,000 parents that never get to hold their child. Approximately 1 in 160 pregnancies end with a stillborn child. That's 25,000 babies who are deprived of their first breath and 50,000 parents that must lay their child to rest far too soon. And let's not forget the 90,000 babies who never see their first birthday.

So, our running total is nearly half a million hopeful mothers and fathers that have felt the sting of loss. That number is staggering, but what is even more depressing is the number who suffer alone. I can't understand why, but our society does not know how to deal with grief! What's with that? We've all felt sorrow, so why can't we reach out to those currently experiencing it? 

Today, I wanted to share those numbers not to bring down your spirits, but to increase awareness. Odds are someone you know is grieving today. If you're reading this blog because you know it's author, then I can guarantee you know at least one. We, as women, need to be aware that our friends and our sisters are grieving! Each person grieves differently, but we all need to grieve. If you know someone who has experiences loss, give them that chance. Of course you won't know exactly what they need, but I promise they need a friend. No matter how these women choose to grieve, they should never feel unwanted or unsupported. They deserve your friendship. They deserve your love and your strength, for in this moment, they may have none of their own. I promise one day you will be grateful that you stood by them while they grieved because when your sorrows come, they will stand by you.

We Never Walk Alone

A couple weeks ago I was able to attend a women's conference hosted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This weekend was the general conference for the LDS church as well. One of the message I took home was that we are not alone. I wanted to share a story that was told during the women's conference. This is a story about friendship and charity.

Tiffany’s difficulties began last year when she had guests at her home for Thanksgiving and then again for Christmas. Her husband had been in medical school and was now in the second year of his medical residency. Because of the long work hours required of him, he was not able to help her as much as they both would have liked, and so most of that which needed to be accomplished during this holiday season, in addition to the care of their four young children, fell to Tiffany. She was becoming overwhelmed, and then she learned that one who was dear to her had been diagnosed with cancer. The stress and worry began to take a heavy toll on her, and she slipped into a period of discouragement and depression. She sought medical help, and yet nothing changed. Her appetite disappeared, and she began to lose weight, which her tiny frame could ill afford. She sought peace through the scriptures and prayed for deliverance from the gloom which was overtaking her. When neither peace nor help seemed to come, she began to feel abandoned by God. Her family and friends prayed for her and tried desperately to help. They delivered her favorite foods in an attempt to keep her physically healthy, but she could take only a few bites and then would be unable to finish. 

On one particularly trying day, a friend attempted in vain to entice her with foods she had always loved. When nothing worked, the friend said, “There must be something that sounds good to you.” 

Tiffany thought for a moment and said, “The only thing I can think of that sounds good is homemade bread.” 

But there was none on hand. 

The following afternoon Tiffany’s doorbell rang. Her husband happened to be home and answered it. When he returned, he was carrying a loaf of homemade bread. Tiffany was astonished when he told her it had come from a woman named Sherrie, whom they barely knew. She was a friend of Tiffany’s sister Nicole, who lived in Denver, Colorado. Sherrie had been introduced to Tiffany and her husband briefly several months earlier when Nicole and her family were staying with Tiffany for Thanksgiving. Sherrie, who lived in Omaha, had come to Tiffany’s home to visit with Nicole. 

Now, months later, with the delicious bread in hand, Tiffany called her sister Nicole to thank her for sending Sherrie on an errand of mercy. Instead, she learned Nicole had not instigated the visit and had no knowledge of it. 

The rest of the story unfolded as Nicole checked with her friend Sherrie to find out what had prompted her to deliver that loaf of bread. What she learned was an inspiration to her, to Tiffany, to Sherrie—and it is an inspiration to me. 

On that particular morning of the bread delivery, Sherrie had been prompted to make two loaves of bread instead of the one she had planned to make. She said she felt impressed to take the second loaf with her in her car that day, although she didn’t know why. After lunch at a friend’s home, her one-year-old daughter began to cry and needed to be taken home for a nap. Sherrie hesitated when the unmistakable feeling came to her that she needed to deliver that extra loaf of bread to Nicole’s sister Tiffany, who lived 30 minutes away on the other side of town and whom she barely knew. She tried to rationalize away the thought, wanting to get her very tired daughter home and feeling sheepish about delivering a loaf of bread to people who were almost strangers. However, the impression to go to Tiffany’s home was strong, so she heeded the prompting. 

When she arrived, Tiffany’s husband answered the door. Sherrie reminded him that she was Nicole’s friend whom he’d met briefly at Thanksgiving, handed him the loaf of bread, and left. 

And so it happened that the Lord sent a virtual stranger across town to deliver not just the desired homemade bread but also a clear message of love to Tiffany. What happened to her cannot be explained in any other way. She had an urgent need to feel that she wasn’t alone—that God was aware of her and had not abandoned her. That bread—the very thing she wanted—was delivered to her by someone she barely knew, someone who had no knowledge of her need but who listened to the prompting of the Spirit and followed that prompting. It became an obvious sign to Tiffany that her Heavenly Father was aware of her needs and loved her enough to send help. He had responded to her cries for relief.

This story touched my heart because one woman was willing to reach out in love to another, not because she was aware of a troubling situation, but because she was followed through on a good thought. I mean, Sherrie barely knew Nicole. She didn't know about the trouble Nicole was in or the heartache that she was having. She had a good thought and decided to act on in. And because of her decision to act, Nicole was shown the love she needed to feel.

What would the world be like if we acted on every good thought? A wonderful world, that's what it would be! Think for a minute about the worst day you've ever had. How would that day have changed if someone dropped by with a fresh loaf of bread? More importantly, how would that day have changed if you knew that you were not alone?

This week your goal is to act on one good thought each day. Whether that thought be to spend one hour playing with your children without interruption or call an old friend and repair a forgotten relationship, do it. Maybe it's the impression invite a co-worker to dinner or take fresh baked cookies to the author of this blog, do it. Act on your good thoughts. You will never be sorry for following though on a good thought. And even better, you will know that because you chose to act, someone else did not have to walk alone.

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2013/09/we-never-walk-alone?lang=eng

Challenge Accepted

Okay, Ladies. This week I've got a challenge for you. This is a real life, get out of your comfort zone, action challenge. First, I'll explain why this week we get a challenge instead of an uplifting "you're awesome" post and then I'll issue the challenge.

I don't know if it's my optimistic "can-do" attitude or just that I'm really lousy at everything I try, but I very rarely receive an uplifting vote of confidence from anyone other than my husband. See, when we were first married, before the Pinterest craze, we made this "I Love You Because" board. We regularly write positive and uplifting message to each other on that board, so I never question if my husband loves me or if he thinks I'm awesome.

Unfortunately, the rest of the world does not have an "I Love You Because" board to let me know I'm awesome. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who never lets me forget I have infinite worth, but not everyone has that blessing in their life. Too many individuals go through the day without a single vote of confidence in their worth and abilities. Imagine that. A day without a single positive statement. No "I love you" or "You're awesome". No "Thank you for being YOU" or "You're beautiful". Can you imagine a day like that?

It if my firm belief that NO ONE, male or female, should have to live that way. You should be told everyday that you are loved, that you have worth, and that you not only have a place in this crazy world, but that you are doing an awesome job filling it. I recently starting teaching classes at the YMCA and my supervisor is such a great example of this. Every time I come into work, she tells me that I am an answer to her prayers. As I watch her interact with YMCA members, she is constantly complimenting their efforts and their abilities. She is reminding people every minute of every day that they are awesome.

So that is my challenge to you. Choose one day this week, maybe even today, and give one compliment to every person you interact with. For 24 hours, every single person you talk to will get one positive and uplifting vote of confidence from you. And I mean everyone: the checker at the grocery store, the VP at work, the mail man... everyone. And don't forget about yourself! Admit it, I'm not the only person who talks to myself on a daily basis. You have to compliment yourself, too!

I promise that as you reach outside yourself and give to others, you will see the world around you change. You will see more positive and uplifting actions and attitudes, both in yourself and in the people around you. You will feel more peace in your life and confidence in your own abilities. By helping others come to understand and accept their worth, you will find a little bit more of yours.

So, what do ya say? Challenge accepted?

Thoughts on Diet Trends

I often get asked my thoughts on new trending diets. I always preface my response with this- 1) I don't keep up with all things health. I have my education and I have my resources. Half the time I haven't even heard of the new diet plan so-and-so is asking about. 2) I have not tried out every trending diet. I judge diets based on my education and personal beliefs about health.

You've probably heard about dozens of diet plans. Many are very similar with a few slight differences. Programs like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach, and other similar plans all have different names, but come down to the same principle: eat correct potions. They're not about counting calories, but understanding portion sizes. Diets like Medifast, Nutrisystem, SlimFast, and other similar programs are about rapid weight loss using restricted calories. Plans like Paleo and Atkins are mostly based on high protein, low carb diets.

So how do you choose a diet that's right for you? My number one answer is to write down your reason for choosing a diet. Are you looking to lose 5lbs or 50lbs? Are you trying to improve your overall health or are you trying to look good in a bikini? Are you recovering from an injury/pregnancy? Are you experiencing digestive issues? Did you doctor give you a specific goal? Why are you changing your eating habits?

Different diets are good for different things. Some diets are healthy to be on long term and some are hazardous to be one for longer than a week! Some are great for diabetics, others could kill them. That's why knowing your reason for changing is so important.

My second tip for choosing a diet is to talk with a health professional. Talk to someone who is well acquainted with the options available and can explain the pros and cons. Be sure that what you are doing is safe and healthy. What we put into our bodies is VERY important and the decision should not be taken lightly. A diet can have long term effects on your body, both for the good and for the bad. Be certain that the diet you choose it the correct one for your goal.

Finally, here are some other general guidelines.

• Do NOT go on a very low calorie diet without a doctor's okay. We're talking anything restricting your caloric intake to below 1200 calories a day. 
• I'm not saying low calories diets are no-no's. I'm saying you need to be smart and you need to be safe. If you are looking to lose 5-10lbs, there are MUCH better ways than starving yourself. If you're looking to lose a significant about of weight, talk with a doctor before making any drastic changes to your lifestyle. 
• You should shoot for losing 1-2lbs a week. Any more than that could be dangerous. Get the green lights from your doctor or health professional before starting anything extreme.
• Same as above. Losing more than 1-2lbs a week isn't a no-no. You just want to be safe.
• Don't choose a diet that cuts out a major food group. Our bodies need proteins, carbs, and fats to survive. They all have a place in our diet. You have change the percentage, but don't cut one out completely. 
• Be realistic. This is always a rule. If you LOVE chocolate, don't go on a no-chocolate diet. You won't stick to it. Plan for "once a week treat" or a "free day".
• This rule does not apply to allergies or toxins. If you have an allergy, that food is going to hurt your body, no matter how much you like to eat it. Toxins are always bad for you. Try to avoid them completely.

And to finish off this discussion, here's MY top diet tip. Don't spend your life on a diet. Diets aren't meant to be long term. They are meant to reach a specific goal. Once you reach that goal, make choices that you will stick with for life. Eat more real food and less processed food. Clean eating is the best choice you can make for your body. You will see immediate improvements and you will see long term improvements. Your body will thank you.

Realistic Goals

Today we're going to discuss setting realistic goals. I'm all about goal setting. If you have an end goal and a plan of action, you are WAY more likely to get up and do something to change your lifestyle than if you simply complain about the change you want to see. Writing down a goal and creating a plan of action is a commitment to yourself. It says that you've put in the effort to think about it, now you just need to do it.

Yesterday while surfing through fitness "inspiration" on Pinterest, I came across this little how-to on motivation. Now, normally when I see motivational thoughts on Pinterest, I just roll my eyes because no matter how much you diet and exercise, you can't go back to having a  pre-pubescent body. It kills me to see a mother of four pinning "motivational quotes" with a teenage girl posing in the background. But this one I actually agree with.

Since the list is pretty self explanatory, I'm not going to go into detail about these motivations. The only one I'd like to address is number 2: hanging a picture of what you want to look like. This idea can be a great motivation, but it can very easily be a tools for obsession. Like I said yearly, it kills me to see a mother pinning pictures of teenage girls, wishing they could look the way they did in when they played high school sports and had the metabolism of a hummingbird.

So here's my tip: be realistic. I'm not saying that you need to accept those last 10 lbs or that you should give up on your body. I'm saying that you need to be realistic in your goals. You need to have an honest sit down with yourself and lay out your priorities. You need to decide how much time during the week you can devote to your body without sacrificing your other priorities. For example, if you devote 4 hours a day to the gym, what will that mean for your social wellness? Can you honestly take away that time from family or friends? What will it mean to your loved ones?

I do not support the idea of comparison when it comes to body image. You should not compare yourself to anyone else's body. That includes your past body! There are SO many influences that change our bodies over time. We are women. We have hormones. Eating changes them, exercise changes them, love changes them, pregnancy changes them, talking changes them. stress changes them, environmental influences change them... Sometimes these hormones are beyond our control, as are their effects on our individual bodies. And hormones are just one piece of the puzzle that creates our beautiful bodies.

What I'm trying to say is that maybe a better option to hanging up a picture and comparing yourself to someone else would be to choose something real. Are you trying to lose weight for health reasons? Talk with a health professional about how much to lose. Getting your weight to a healthy place can decrease risk of heart disease, certain cancers, and joint pain. Are you training for a race? Chart your mileage or map out a course. Are you trying to lose weight to get pregnant? Lowering your body weight by 10% can restart your menstrual cycle. Are you simply trying to look better? Instead of hanging up a picture, hang up a pair of pants that is one size down. One size is realistic. One size is doable.

Don't obsess over attaining someone else's perfect body. Choose today to never compare your body to someone else's. Set a real goal, one that can be reached. And once you reach that goal, set a new one. Rome wasn't built in a day. Health is achieved one step at a time. Weight is lost one pound at a time. And success is reached one goal at a time.

One Size Does NOT Fit All

In today's society, there are to many different influences contributing to our view of body image. Unfortunately, most of these influences contribute to a distorted view of body image. Influences like Hollywood, advertisements, super models, magazines, Victoria's Secret angels, even Pintrest, teach women that there is one way to look to be considered beautiful, and that one way is NOT how you look now. It doesn't particularly matter what you look like, but it's wrong. Unless you have a perfect size 2 frame with some perky C cups, you are not beautiful.

This is a major pet peeve of mine, the idea that one size fits all. Who gets the right to define beauty with a size? The Webster dictionary defines beauty as "the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit". Where in that definition does it say anything about size? NOWHERE! Where in that definition does it even address the body as a tool to measure beauty with? NOWHERE! Beauty is not defined by a number. It is defined as a quality that "exalts the mind or spirit".

So ladies, stop striving to achieve someone else's ideal body. Stop envying your sister's booty or your best friend's waistline. Stop coveting your neighbor's backside or your personal trainer's arms. And for goodness sake, stop comparing yourself to Pintrest! 

There are two points I want you to take home today. The first is that your beauty is not tied to your pant size. Your beauty comes from within. It comes from the person you choose to be each day. It comes from the love you give to family and friends, the compassion you share with those in need, and the kindness you show to strangers. Beauty is who you are, not what you look like. To be beautiful is to exalt what is inside of you. To exalt that wonderful worth you possess.

The second point is that you should strive for your optimal body. Note I did not say your ideal body, but your optimal body. As we've discussed in previous posts, that means more than just being in incredible shape. Optimal means performing at it's best. Your body will perform at it's best when it is fueled with the best foods, given appropriate rest, and used for a greater purpose. As a mother, I don't need the body of an Olympian. I need a body that can chase after a toddler, lift a truck full of groceries, and bend behind the refrigerator. I need a body that can deal with emotional and physical stress brought on by building a family. That is my optimal because that is my purpose.

So today, take some time to consider these two things. Consider what you can do to exalt your mind and spirit. Look at the most precious parts of your soul and bring those parts to life! Let the world see how wonderful you truly are! Consider what is your optimal body. What do you need your body to be able to do? Don't think in numbers and sizes, think about your purpose in life. What is most important to you and how can your body help you achieve greatness in that area? Most importantly, allow your body to manifest the wonderful worth you carry inside.

You are the Voice She Hears

This was not the blog I was planning on writing today, but I have a feeling this one will be better. I've seen this link (When Your Mother Says She's Fat)  floating around the web lately and finally had time to read it this morning. Fantastic article. I just had a similar conversation with my mother.

The conversation I had with my mom was about how a mother's voice is what a daughter hears in her head. The things a mother says about herself are the things her daughter are going to say somewhere down the road. When I voiced this opinion to my mom, her response was "Oh dear." As a mom, I understand her fear. I never want to hear my daughter say some of the things I say about myself! I never want to see my daughter stand in front of a mirror and pinch every inch of fat! I never want to hear my daughter say that she is ugly! And I definitely do not want her to equate ugly with fat!

Fat is a measure of body mass! Ugly is defined as unpleasant or repulsive. A person's actions make them ugly, not their body mass! Most of the women I know do not fall within the optimal weight provided by the BMI chart. These women are also beautiful and talented and smart and wonderful! Their weight does not define them, nor does yours!

Ladies, whether or not you are a mother, the words you say about yourself matter. They matter because you are not the only one who hears them. If I can't convince you to say nice things about yourself because you deserve to hear them, then say nice things about yourself so that others can hear them. Especially if you have children, be kind to yourself. Your daughters will become like you. Your sons will marry someone like you. If you want your children to grow up strong and confident, lead them by example. Become strong and confident yourself. Believe that you are beautiful. Believe that you are wonderful. Believe that you are of worth.

P.S.- I strongly encourage that you read this article. It is written from the daughter's point of view, showing how her mother's words affected her idea of body image. It doesn't matter what stage in life you're in, we could all be a bit kinder to ourselves.

P.P.S.- To any men that might have stumbled across this post, be kind to the women in your life. Tell your mother that she is beautiful. Tell your sister, your grandma, your neighbor. Most importantly, tell your wife that she is remarkable, outstanding, breath-takingly beautiful. Always look at her the way you did on your wedding day. Never stop telling her. And NEVER tell her that she is fat and ugly!

Social Wellness

Social wellness refers to one's ability to interact with people around them. It involves using good communications skills, having meaningful relationships, respecting yourself and others, and creating a support system that includes family members and friends.

Social wellness is a tricky business, mostly because it is a dimension of wellness that is directly influenced by other people. Most everything else we've discussed deals with you: your emotions, your body, your mind... This time we're talking about how you interact with someone else. Like I said, tricky business. So I'm gonna address these things one at a time.

Good communication skills. In my personal opinion, communication can make or break a relationship. It is important to have open communication in any relationship, particularly in close ones. Having the knowledge that communication is open builds trust. It allows a relationship to flourish. Without good communication, a relationship will build walls and blocks. Ultimately, the relationship will die.

Good communication is difficult for some people. Even understanding what is means can be overwhelming. Here's a basic explanation. Good communication means listening at least as often as you speak. It means taking time to process information and giving time for others to do the same. It means thinking before you speak. It means having respect for others involved in the conversation. It is about being honest in a respectful manner. Most importantly, good communication is about respect, trust, and honesty.

Meaningful relationships. I cannot express how important it is to our health to have meaningful relationships. We were NOT meant to go through this life alone. Friendships were meant to be formed. Families are meant to be build. Having meaningful relationships gives our lives meaning and purpose. Our friends and families help to support us in our goals and fulfill our dreams. They build us up when we feel broken down. Meaningful relationships are essential to optimal wellness.

Respecting yourself and others. Christians teach that the second greatest commandment is to love thy neighbor as thyself. This teaching to true regardless of your religious belief, but there are two parts to this teaching. One, you have to love your neighbor. Two, you have to love yourself. Respect is defined "as esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability." Respect is understanding worth, believing in your own worth, and acknowledging others worth. In order to love and respect others, we have to first love and respect ourselves.

Creating a support system. A great way to judge your social wellness is to look at your support group. Do you have a place to call home? Do you have friends or family to turn to for help? Do you have others that you can reach out to in times of need? Do you have a support group that you trust? If you don't, create one. If you do, look at your support group and ask yourself, "Do these people trust me? Am I part of their support group?" Once you have established your support group, it's time to turn that group into a system. That means receiving and giving support. A support system meaning building a family, whether the members are blood relations or not.

There was a point in my life a few years back that I left like my social wellness was suffering severely. I did not have the support system I needed. Instead of meaningful relationships built on respect and communication I had taxing relationships that were filling my mind with doubts about my worth. After much deliberation, I decided to sever some ties. I cut off the relationships that were causing feelings of worthlessness. At first I felt like the worst person in the world because I had cut these people from my life. After some time away, I realized that spending time building up meaningful relationships was crucial to understanding my self-worth. Now that I am in a better place with a wonderful support system, having a few less that meaningful relationships does not affect my sense of worth.

I would encourage each of you to step back to look at your relationships. Are there any that are weighing you down? What can you do to improve those relationships? Perhaps you could try to establish better communication. Perhaps you could try to create a mutual respect. And maybe there are some relationships that are better to walk away from. It is okay to tell someone who is abusive or disrespectful that you need to cut ties. You need to believe in your worth and you need to surround yourself with others that believe in your worth. Build up meaningful relationships based on open communication and mutual respect. Build up a support system where you feel love and trust. If there are relationship that weigh you down, step back until you are in a better place.

 As you come to understand your worth, fill your life with others who will help you on this journey. When you understand your worth, go back and help others find their worth. Respect is built on understanding the worth of a soul. Believe in yours and respect others. Why? Because we are worth it!

Spiritual Wellness

Where I was lacking in enthusiasm for the emotional wellness post, I make up for here. I could talk all day about the importance of spiritual wellness. Partly because this is at the core of my personal beliefs, but also because this is the part of wellness that brings peace. In this crazy world we live in, who doesn't want to find a little peace?

Spiritual wellness is defined as "seeking meaning and purpose in human existence. It includes the development of a deep appreciation for the depth and expanse of life and natural forces that exist in the universe." (http://definitionofwellness.com/dimensions-of-wellness/spiritual-wellness.html) What better way to understand your worth in this life than to believe that you have a purpose?! I love this!

I don't want to scare anyone off. Spiritual wellness does not mean you have to join an organized religion or meet with a Tibetan monk. Some individuals will find their understanding of meaning and purpose through religion or devotion to a certain lifestyle.Others might find it through a relationship or a field of study. As with all dimensions of wellness, this is deeply personal. How I find my spiritual wellness may not be the way for you to find yours. The important part is that you find your purpose. That you find an appreciation for the world around you.

Personally, I am religious. I believe in a God as the creator of this world. I find purpose through His plan for us as His children. That is where my peace comes from. It comes from believing that I can become all that my God has created me to be.

I know many individuals that have found their spiritual wellness through different sources. One friend found it in the man that is now her husband. Another found hers after giving birth to her first child. And yet another as she gave her life to the service of others. An old friend of mine found his through finding his long-lost father and the family he never knew existed. There are different paths to spiritual wellness, you just need to find yours.

Your path to spiritual wellness may be a long one, depending on where you are starting. If you have no belief in purpose in life, you are starting at square one. If you believe there is a purpose in life, but you haven't found it yet, yours will be a quest for knowledge and understanding. If you have found your purpose, but feel that you are incapable of living up to it, yours is a journey of faith.

I would encourage each of you to step back and think about what you believe. Do you believe there is a purpose to this life? Can you find meaning in your day-to-day life? Do you see beauty in the world around you? Can you appreciate the wonder of a rainbow? If you answered no to any of these questions, seek a greater understanding for life. This is a great and wonderful world that we live in, filled with beauty and splendor!

Each person has a purpose, a role to play and a job to do. You are wanted and needed in this life! There is a place for you and your name is known! Never believe that you don't matter, for who can measure the worth of a virtuous woman? Your price is far greater than rubies. Believe that. Why? Because you are worth it!

Happy Birthday!

I know. Two posts in one week. But it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want. About a month ago, my husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday. So for the last month I've been trying to come up with something. Most years I could some up with a list a mile long of things I want but would never buy for myself. This year that was not the case. I was totally at a loss.

Then this morning it came to me. I want women all other the world to feel their worth! That is the only birthday present I want. I want every women to see her worth! I want her to rejoice in her strength and beauty! I want her to see herself for the wonderful woman she is!

So I decided that for my birthday, as a present to me, I want you to make a list of things you like about yourself. Since it's my 25th birthday, make it a list of 25 things. Maybe for some women this will be a breeze. Personally, this list has taken me years to create. Here's my list. What's on yours?

1. I am a good wife.
2. I'm a good mom.
3. I care about people.
4. I put people before things.
5. I love.
6. I'm tolerant of differences.
7. I never stop trying.
8. I enjoy learning new skills and developing new talents.
9. I push through hard times.
10. I manage money well.
11. Regardless of all the wrong choices I've made, where it counts, I made the right choice. I chose a good man.
12. I stick to my guns.
13. I can make stinkin' cute baby blankets.
14. Every now and then, I do something amazing.
15. My dinners are totally edible.
16. I can find beauty in just about anything.
17. I've learned to think before I speak.
18. I can recognize a person in pain.
19. I'll do what I can to help with the pain I see.
20. I know when to say no.
21. I can usually recognize truth from error.
22. I did so good.
23. I see beauty in me.
24. I know my worth.
25. I have the confidence to say these things.

Intellectual Wellness

Oh, the beauty of the human mind! This complex muscle is still a mystery. No one understands quite how it works and no one can recreate it's intricacies. It's a phenomenal tool given to us. I could go on all day about how incredible the human mind is, but I won't. Just know it's amazing.

The basic definition of intellectual health is having curiosity or a strong desire to learn. Our mind is a muscle, and just like ever other muscle in the body, our mind has a "use it or lose it" principle. This means that the minute we stop developing our minds, we start to lose it. It's a simple concept, but for many MANY adults, this area of wellness gets forgotten quickly. 

Think about it. When was the last time you decided to learn something new? When was the last time you felt passionate about a field of study or a developing a talent? When was the last time you challenged your mind with something other than exhaustion?

Sometimes as a mom, my wants and desires get put on the back burner. And by sometimes, I mean most days. However, my intellectual wellness downfall started long before I had babies. My last semester of college I discovered a fiery passion for women's health. After I graduated, I applied for grad school and after a year of waiting for paperwork to be processed, I was accepted! At the same time my husband was in school full-time and his ability to work was diminishing under his workload. The decision came down to me finding a full-time job or me attending grad school. I choose a job and let my dreams of a Masters fall to the wayside. 

That was almost three years ago. The time I picked up a text book was three years ago. The last time I did anything I was passionate about was three years ago. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom. I just don't have a fiery passion for cooking and cleaning and changing diapers. I wouldn't even say I'm passionate about playing with my daughter or talking with my husband. I love doing these things, but it's not the same mental stimulation I had in college. I do these things because I love my family. 

Just before I started this blog, I was feeling like I'd lost a part of myself to motherhood. Again, I love being a mom. I just thought I had to choose either motherhood or me. After some deep contemplation and long talks with loved ones, I realized I didn't have to choose one or the other. I can be an awesome mom AND help women achieve personal wellness! So I started this blog to get my fiery passion burning again. Ya know what? It worked! I am an awesome mom. Spending an hour or two a day on something I love has not diminished my relationship with my baby girl. 

In truth, I believe this has strengthened my ability to be an awesome mom. I'm not worn down at the end of the day. I don't feel like a drone, lifelessly performing my duties. I feel alive! I feel passion for life again! I feel like me! That in turn gives me the energy to give my daughter the attention she deserves. It gives me the desire to help her find something she can be passionate about. I realize a one-year-old doesn't completely understand passion, but she understands joy and happiness! Since starting this blog, we've explored the world of toddlers with new curiosity. My little one is growing and developing her mind. It's so fun to watch, but even more fun to be a part of. 

Moral of the story, improving my intellectual health has improved my life. It has improved my family relationships. It has improved my emotional stability. It has reminded me of my worth. This week, I encourage you to find something to be passionate about. It can be something you studied in school, a talent you've always wanted to develop, or just finding an answer to a long-standing question. Bring curiosity and desire back into your life. Challenge your mind. I promise you will find that improving your intellectual wellness with improve your understanding of self-worth. You will find that you are of great worth. You will see it in yourself and you will believe it's true. Why? Because you are worth it.

Emotional Wellness

I almost considered skipping this post. Partly because it's a difficult subject to address and partly because this is the most difficult area for me to achieve "optimal wellness". Most women struggle to find emotional stability. God blessed us with these hormones that naturally make us go crazy on a regular basis, so our job is double duty. We have to find a balance with our hormones AND find a balance with our reactions to our situations. Sweet!

Emotional wellness is defined as "having a positive attitude, high self-esteem, a strong sense of self and the ability to recognize and share a wide range of feelings with others in a constructive way." Here's a list of signs that you are emotionally well:

• The ability to talk with someone about your emotional concerns and share your feelings with others.
• Saying "no" when you need to without feeling guilty.
• You feel content most of the time.
• Feeling you have people in your life that care about you- a strong support network.
• Being able to relax.
• Feeling good about who you are.

(http://www.unh.edu/health-services/ohep/emotional-wellness)

Haha. After reading that list, are you feeling emotionally well? Just the "being able to relax" part rules out most women! Even before I had my daughter I don't remember being able to relax! Now that I'm a mom, relax is a foreign concept. I'm really good at looking relaxed, but deep down, I'm stressing about bills and laundry and dinner and if I remembered to put on deodorant... 

Here's the deal, that last point is the most important one. Feeling good about who you are. That is what it means to be emotionally stable. Think about a stability ball, ya know those big ones at the gym? Think about sitting on a stability ball. You're gonna wobble around a bit, no matter how strong you are. Stability isn't about never moving, it's about catching yourself before you fall. Emotional stability is the same way. It's not about always being positive. It's about catching yourself before you become overwhelmed.

My dad explained this to me. You can't control every situation, but you can control your emotions. Unless you're pregnant. Then you have an out. I was a firm believer that pregnant women just milk the crazy hormone card until I was pregnant with my daughter. I will testify that there were feelings I could NOT control. In fact, there were feelings I had no idea why I was feeling them! So pregnant women- get a good therapist and be grateful you're not actually an elephant. Your emotions will be yours again, I promise. Everybody else- you can control your emotions! Your reaction is your choice. 

This is a talent that comes with practice. Don't expect to be a pro over night. And don't compare yourself to anyone but you. Some people are naturally less inclined to react with their heart and more with their heads. Like all lifestyle changes, we start small. Start by choosing one emotional reaction to change. Maybe it will be choosing to smile at yourself first thing in the morning instead of criticizing. Maybe it will be saying something kind to a person you've been arguing with. Maybe it will be getting down to your child's eye level and asking them what they need. Or whistling a happy song while cleaning up your husband's muddy shoes prints. Doesn't matter what you choose, just make one reaction your choice. Take control of your emotions. Why? Because you are worth it!

Physical Wellness Cont.

Last week I went over the basics of nutrition. This week, I'll go over the basics of exercise. Now, this is probably going to be a little different than what you're used to hearing from a health expert. One- I'm not an expert. I'm just me. Two- I'm pretty sure most of you have heard the good old "you should workout because..." speech more times than you can count. I'd rather present this in a new fashion than try to beat a dead horse.

Now, I know a lot about exercise. It's what I majored in and it's what I enjoy, so I keep up with the latest and greatest techniques and tools. What I've learned is that there is a whole lot of ways to exercise. You've probably heard terms like "cardio" and "strength training". And within each of those categories are things like running, yoga, biking, Pilates, swimming, free weights, plyo, Zumba, bootcamp, step, Crossfit, water aerobics, HIIT, etc. The list could go on and on with types of exercise. Just check out Pinterest. With SO much out there, how are you supposed to know what to do? What will make you look and feel great?

Here's the skinny: you should shoot for 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days of the week. That's a good baseline, a good goal to work towards. 30 minutes a day means you can consider yourself "active" in your lifestyle. And that 30 minutes can come any way you'd like. It can come from a nightly walk with a friend or your family. It can be a combo of classes offered at your gym. It can come from weeding your garden. It can come from getting up and moving during work breaks. That 30 minutes does not have to be consecutive! 30 minutes is 30 minutes, no matter how you add it up.

Here's were I'm gonna tell you something new. That 30 minutes does not have to be doing something you hate. WHAT?! I'VE BEEN LIED TO MY WHOLE LIFE? I DON'T HAVE TO DREAD EXERCISE?! Yes! Exercise is simply moving your body. You can move it however you like. Personally, I hate running. It's not my thing. Does that mean I'm a weakling? Heck no! So what if I'll never run a marathon? I'll bet I can hold a plank longer than you can! My point is that exercise is meant to be enjoyed. With so many options, find something you enjoy! And if you can't find something you enjoy, make up something new!

After I had my daughter, I was very limited in what I could do physically. I had gained a lot of weight and despite breastfeeding, that weight had no intention of going anywhere. I was pretty down on myself when I realized I'd gone from a size 6 to a size 14. I had to do something, but I wasn't really capable of much. So I started cooking. I could handle standing for a short time, so I started there. It wasn't much, but it was something I could do. Then I turned on some music. Cooking and bouncing. That's all I was doing. That got me moving. For a while, I just had music on all the time because I would bounce along to the beat. I didn't lose much weight that way, but I got stronger. Within a couple months, I got back on my elliptical. I started with five minutes a day. That killed me. I worked my way up slowly, very slowly. After a few months of that, I added in some strength training. For my baby girl's first birthday, I bought myself a pair of size 6 pants. Yesterday, I bought another pair.

My point is that you can do it. If you saw me today, you would never guess that last year I was barely able to walk.  Last year I was bouncing in my kitchen. This year I teach a fitness group out of my home three times a week, swim 3-5 times a week, go on walks daily, do a little personal training, and even do some Zumba (although that's not really my thing). Anything that gets you up and moving counts as exercise.

This week, find something you love doing. It can be anything: dancing, running, swimming, gardening, chasing your kids, playing video games, watching TV, hanging out with girlfriends... I don't care what it is as long as you love doing it. Then find a way to move while you do it. If it's something that already requires movement, you're set. If it's something sedentary, like watching TV or reading my blog, get up and move while you do that. Put the TV in front of the treadmill. Pull up facebook on your phone or tablet and surf while you ride a stationary bike. Get your girlfriends together for a Pintrest night and try all the workouts you've pinned. This week, get up and move! Why? Because you are worth it!

Physical Wellness

I've been thinking a lot this week about how to introduce this topic. There is so much to cover, but I don't want to overwhelm anyone. So, even though it's a long one, stick with me. We'll work through this together and if you have any questions, ask away.

Physical wellness is all about our body's state of wellness. There are two sides to physical wellness: what we put in and what we take out. We put in energy, we take out energy. That energy is defined in calories. We consume x number of calories a day and use y number of calories a day. In general, if the net number of calories is zero, our bodies stay the same. If we consume more calories than we use, we store those calories for later. If we consume less calories than we use, we take them our of storage. Pretty simple, huh?

Now, there are all different theories and diets that claim you can lose weight fast without any work. Well, look that the facts. If you eat more than you work, you will not lose weight. At least not in the way our bodies are intended to lose weight. Also, if you work more than you have stored, your body will give out. We need both food and work to survive. The minute you give up one, you give up your wellness.

This week, I'll focus mostly on what we put in. Just the basics, so don't freak out. I'm just giving you an overview of what our bodies need to survive. No crazy diet plans. Just the facts. Next week we'll talk about how to use what we put in.

Mathematically, one calorie is always one calorie. 3500 calories make up one pound. To gain one pound, our net caloric intake much be (+) 3500. To lose a pound, our net caloric intake much be (-) 3500. Again, pretty simple. Problem is, calories are not created equal. By that I mean our bodies do not recognize all calories equally. A calorie from a carbohydrate is going to be used differently than a calorie from protein. A calorie of fat is going to be used differently than a calorie of carbohydrate. Our bodies need all these nuterints, but they need different proportions of each.

Here's a infographic about calories.
Explains what percent of our diet should come from each nutrient.

Any diet that removes one of more of these nutrients is not a good diet. Let me repeat that, any diet that removes one of more of these nutrients is not a good diet. Our bodies need all these types of food for different functions. Here's a very simple explanation: carbs are used for energy, proteins build and repair, and fats protect. There is more to each of these, but I'm not gonna go into that right now. What's important is that our bodies need all these nutrients. Could you imagine what our bodies would go through if we deprived them of even one of these nutrients? You'd have no energy! You wouldn't be able to heal after an injury! Your organs would bump into each other and cause bruising and/or tearing! Does any of that sound healthy? I don't think so!

So this week, look at your lifestyle. What is your net caloric intake? You don't need to count calories for that, just estimate. The average woman needs between 1200 and 1400 calories just to lay in bed all day. That's how much our bodies need just to perform it's regular functions. That means you should be getting at least 1200 calories a day and that's before adding in exercise. Now, Michael Phelps is allowed to eat 7000+ calories a day. And when you spend 6-8 hours a day working out like he does, you can too. Until then, maybe limit yourself to around 2000. For every hour of exercise, add 300-500ish calories.

Don't like to count calories? Shoot for serving instead. Here's a little tip staying within your caloric budget without counting calories: 6-8 servings of grains, 3-4 servings of veggies, 2-3 servings of fruit, 5(ish)oz of meat/beans, and 2-3 servings dairy. You may have some allergies or preferences that changes up these servings and that's totally fine. Personally, I don't eat dairy much. So I replace my dairy intake with extra fruits and veggies. Some of you might be vegetarians. You'll replace your meat intake with other sources of protein.

As you check out your normal intake, think about what you can change. Try to get the right percent of each nutrient in your diet. You'll be surprised at how quickly you catch on. You'll also be surprised by how quickly you notice a change. My bet is that by next week, you'll notice you have more energy. You'll feel less sluggish. Within a month you'll probably notice you're sleeping better and have a desire to live a more active lifestyle. Give it 3-4 months and you'll notice some significant changes in your curvature. In 6 months, you'll be asking yourself why you didn't start this earlier!

I'm not promising this will fix all your problems in life. I'm just promising that it will make you more ready to deal with those problems. Go on. Give it a try. See what happens. Why? Because you are worth it.

Knowledge is Power

This week I pulled out a research paper I did in college about personal wellness, just to review some principles. I decided that this week I'd start diving into what personal wellness is and how to attain it. It's my personal belief that knowledge is power. The more knowledge we have, the more power we have to control our situation. Obviously there are things we cannot control: the weather, genetics, other's actions and reactions, etc. But there is so much about our lives that we can control. Over the next several posts, I'm going to discuss those parts of our lives that affect our personal wellness and how we can take control of those aspects of life.

Personal wellness can be defined as a state of healthy living. There are six factors that make up our personal wellness: physical activity, emotional stability, intellectual learning, spiritual understanding, social networks, and environmental influences. Five of the six of these factors we can control, almost completely. We don't have much control over the environment, although we can help to improve that factor for our children and grandchildren. The other factors are in our hands. we can take control of those factors to improve our personal wellness and in turn, our personal happiness.

My tip this week is to start with what you know. There are a few things in this life that we know. We know that smoking is bad for you. We know that exercise is good for you. We know you need food and water to survive. We know you need sleep to function. You know for yourself what makes you happy and what makes you sad. You know your shortcomings and you know your strengths. You know your triggers and you know your releases. These things that we know are "home base" for any journey to wellness.

This week, make a list of things you know. Things you know about yourself. Write down your strengths, your weaknesses, your ups and your downs. Write down things you love and things you hate. Write down things you know about your health, genetic factors and pre-existing conditions. (TIP: if your list of weaknesses, downs, and things you hate is significantly longer than your strengths and loves, look a little deeper. You are stronger than you think.) Use this list as "home base". Next week we will talk about setting realistic goals to achieve optimal wellness.

And always remember: You are here for a reason. You have a purpose in this life. You are of great worth.

Perfect for the Job

I've spend the past two weeks thinking about how to reach out to women and help them feel of their worth in this world and their place in this life. Women are so incredible, yet so often feel weighed down with their own imperfections. We, as women, seem to feel this insane need to be perfect according to some set of imaginary standards. And since these standards are imaginary, they also seem to change regularly and without due cause. How on earth are women supposed to feel of any value when they are constantly comparing themselves to a fictitious ideal?

So this week, I'd like to focus on perfection from a realistic view. I have a firm belief that we are where as are for a reason. We have a purpose to fulfill. We have a job to get done. We have a work to do. Your current purpose may not be the same as another's, even someone who lives in a very similar situation. I currently live as a stay-at-home-mom to a beautiful one-year-old girl while my husband works to provide for our financial needs. I know there are many, MANY women in this world living in a similar situation. So does that mean we are here for the same reason? Most certainly not.

I was having this discussion with a few women from my church and one gal made a very profound statement. (At least to me it was profound.) She said that although she is not the perfect woman, she is perfect for her situation. She is not the perfect wife, but she is the perfect wife for her husband. She is not the perfect mother, but she is the perfect mother for her children. No other woman could give what she can give to her family. She is the perfect woman to fill that position. So, although she doesn't live up to that imaginary standard, she is perfect for her purpose.

This thought is fantastic because it teaches women to see their potential. The idea that you are the perfect one for the job means that you have the potential to be perfect according to that standard. Suddenly you have a tangible standard that is unchanging. Being perfect in a certain responsibility is so much more doable that simply being perfect. Being perfect is so ambiguous. Being the perfect person for a specific situation is specific.

This week, look at your life and find those situations that you have been chosen for. Where you picked from dozens (or hundreds!) or applicants for your job? You are the perfect person for that job! Where you put into a study group with a number of individuals that all have different personalities making progress seem impossible? You are perfect for that study group! Are you the spouse of a husband who is often busy trying to juggle his responsibilities at work and at home? You are the perfect wife for him! Are you the mother to a couple of crazy kids, hell bend on terrorizing the house? You are the perfect mother for them!

Whatever your situation is, come to the realization that your are the perfect person for that job. You have a purpose. You are where you are for a very important reason. Come to believe that. Tell yourself each morning. Say it again at lunch time. Remind yourself before you go to bed. You are the perfect one for your situation. You have great worth. Repeat it until you believe it. You have worth!

The Worth of a Soul

Now, I know some of you will not share my religious beliefs and that is perfectly fine. I will from time to time include some truths that have been taught to me through the LDS church. These truths are the foundation of my understanding of worth. Even if you do not share all my religious beliefs, I hope you can take something away from these truths.

The first principle I like to share with women when we begin any sort of personal training or nutritional counseling is this: the number on the scale is a measure of your weight, not your worth. Let me repeat that: the number on the scale is a measure of your weight, not your worth! It does not matter if you are short and stout or tall and thin, your worth is equal to anyone else's! You are important, just the way you are!

According to dictionary.com (yea, we're really technical on here) the definition of worth is "excellence of character or quality as commanding esteem" or "usefulness or importance, as to the world, to a person, or for a purpose". Worth is not something that can be added to or taken from. It is immeasurable. There are no units to calculate an amount of worth! Worth is something you have. It cannot be taken away. Your worth is your importance in this world, your purpose here on Earth!

The first step to understanding your worth is to accepting you have worth. Every individual ever born has worth. Each of us was sent here for a purpose. Each of us has a job to be done. Regardless of your religious beliefs, believe in this truth. You are of worth. You have a purpose. You are important in this life. Never let someone tell you otherwise.

Today, put this saying somewhere you will see it often. The number on the scale is a measure of your weight, not your worth. The worth of YOUR soul if great! This week, remind yourself of this principle often. If you have a moment of doubt, remember that you are a wonderful worth! You have a purpose in this life. You have immeasurable worth. Whisper it quietly or shout it out loud. Tell yourself often until you believe it. You are of worth.

Welcome Wonderful Women!

Since this is a new blog with new readers, I suppose an introduction is due. My name is Abbey Rowley. I live in the Boise area in Idaho with my fantastic husband and sweet baby girl. I graduated from BYU-Idaho in 2010 with a bachelors degree in Exercise Science and a minor in Health Science. During my last semester of college, I found in me a passion for women's health. I had always enjoyed health and fitness, but I discovered my specialty in those final days of schooling. I'm all aglow just thinking about all the topics I'm going to share!

This blog will be a place for women to come and receive motivation, inspiration, and support as they begin (or continue) their journey to understanding their worth. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of the programs for our youth is the Young Women's organization. In this program, we try to instill in girls important values that will help them discover their purpose in this life and the worth of their souls. I love this program and will be borrowing their values to use on this blog. Each week, I will post something relating to one of the following values: faith, divine nature, individual worth, knowledge, choice and accountability, good works, integrity, and virtue. My plan is to use these values, combined with my knowledge of health, to teach women about their wonderful worth.

So welcome, you wonderful women (and any wonderful men that may be joining us)! This is a place of love and support just for you! Let's begin a journey to finding a better you.